


On My Bare Feet

by lonelycrescent



Series: On My Bare Feet [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Break Up, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Moving On, Out of Character, POV Kuroo Tetsurou, Part I: Kuroo moves forward, Post-Break Up, Reminiscing, Tsukki is a closet romantic, code-switching, taglish
Language: Filipino
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:40:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27856917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelycrescent/pseuds/lonelycrescent
Summary: In their short time together before being separated by miles and miles of space, Tsukki had given him 65 pressed flowers. 65 flowers now displayed in his bedroom wall for the 65 times Tsukki felt such overwhelming love that he just had to let Kuroo Tetsurou know.Tsukki had given him pressed flowers almost every day.Tsukki had loved him everyday.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Series: On My Bare Feet [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2039341
Comments: 7
Kudos: 17





	On My Bare Feet

**Author's Note:**

> BEFORE READING, PLEASE KNOW THAT THIS FIC IS IN TWO LANGUAGES. Narrations are in English but the characters frequently code-switch between English and Filipino during their conversations.
> 
> This is my first ever fic here on ao3, and the first installment to On My Bare Feet Series. I plan on giving this story 3 parts, but it still depends though!
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading it!

**_I want auroras and sad prose_ **

**_I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet_ **

**_'Cause I haven't moved in years_ **

**_And I want you right here_ **

\- Taylor Swift, _The Lakes_

_“Two years lang yan, Kuroo. Don’t be such a baby. I’ll be back in no time and you won't even feel like I’ve disappeared.”_

It’s been three years since Tsukishima Kei left to be an exchange student abroad. One year since he told him he’s extending his stay for another six months for his internship. Six months since he told him he’s not coming back for another twelve-- _“maybe more, I’m not sure. Kapag ginalingan ko daw, they might consider absorbing me into the company”._

And about a month ago, Kuroo Tetsurou finally decided that he’s _sick_ of being stagnant, of being the only one waiting and never growing, of being the only one who’s always on the verge of falling apart. And so, with the remaining pieces of his broken resolve-- the final shards of love he’s kept himself from giving Tsukishima-- he cuts him out of his life. For good.

Giving Tsukishima everything left Kuroo nothing for himself, but despite wanting to finally grow again, Kuroo finds it hard to plant his flowers without him. He’s missed him, for sure, but the emptiness he had been feeling for the past three years tells him that it's more than just that. Being separated with Tsukishima broke him to the point that he couldn’t _move_ , couldn't _function_ , because all he wants is to feel his lover’s body, safe and sound in his warm embrace. 

And now, even as he puts on his clothes and prepares to go outside for the first time in _weeks_ , he still feels lethargic. Waiting for Tsukishima to reciprocate his affections rendered him incapable of doing anything else. It was only until he freed himself that Kuroo was finally able to gasp for breath and somehow _live._

.

.

_“Tsukkiiiiiiiiii. Lambingin mo ko. I miss you.”_

_“Ako rin. But I need to finish my readings. Kausapin kita 'maya, ha? Just wait for me.”_

_Kuroo waits for him for days without moving._

_—_

_“Kuroo, I’m about to finish my project tonight, do you wanna vid call later? 11pm at your time zone. If you’re free?”_

_No, I am not free. Exam season ko ngayon, didn’t you remember? “Sure, wala naman akong ginagawa masyado.”_

_—_

_“Tsukki? Ilang linggo na tayong di nag-uusap. Are we ok?_

_“What are you talking about? Of course okay tayo. Bakit?”_

_“Di lang kasi ako sanay. You used to always want to tell me about your week.”_

_“Di naman porke’t di masyadong nag-uusap may mali na agad. Besides, don’t you wanna have your own personal time?”_

_._

_._

For years while waiting for Tsukishima's return, Tetsuro Kuroo used to feel nothing but emptiness, but after breaking free, he finally allows himself to feel _something._ All of a sudden, he feels stuffy in his apartment because _Tsukishima used to come here every week, waking him up with the smell of freshly-brewed coffee in the kitchen._ So he steps out in hopes of getting away from his memories, but they only follow him out the door and into the empty streets.

Where did things start falling apart?

_._

_._

_“Tsukki! Two weeks na lang pala! You’re right, time really does fly fast. Di ko nga rin napansin---”_

_“Kuroo, they want me to stay another full year. I’m sorry.”_

_…What?_

_“Oh… Okay. But after this, you’ll come home, right? Sa akin?”_

_"…"_

_"Tsukki?"_

_"...Sure."_

—

_Tsukki? I miss you._

_Tsukkiiii, can’t you just come home to me?_

_Or or, kung ayaw mo, ako susunod dyan. What do you say?_

_Onting lambing naman dyan, Tsukki._

_Are you ok? It's been a month. Nag-aalala na ko._

_Tsukki, who's that guy in your story? I've never seen him before. Pakilala mo naman sakin bagong barkada mo._

_Tsukki? Kamusta na?_

_...Tsukki?_

_Kei?_

.

.

.

_“Tsukki. Tapusin na natin ‘to. Pagod na rin ako. I don’t see the point of waiting for you kasi hindi ka rin naman babalik.”_

_“Ha? Kuroo, okay ka lang ba? Naririnig mo ba pinagsasabi mo? Anong walang point? Eh kaya nga tayo lumalaban pa kasi may kahihinatnan itong lahat ng to. Puta, have a little faith in me naman, Kuroo.”_

_“Wag na natin lokohin sarili natin. 'Lumalaban?' Baka ako lang. We stopped talking properly months ago. Kailangan ko pang mag-makaawa para sa oras mo, at kahit di naman nagkakalayo time zones natin, you act as if your sun rises in the west or some shi--"_

_“Hindi totoo yan.”_

_“Oh? Can you tell me with a straight face that you definitely— a hundred percent— will be able to come back? To me?”_

_“...”_

_“Sabi ko na eh."_

_"Kuroo… I— ‘Di ko alam kung pano tayo nagkaganito."_

_"Di ko rin alam.Wala naman siguro satin ang may sala. Kaya itatanong kita for the last time: gusto mo pa bang subukan? For real, this time? With effort."_

_"..."_

_“If you say yes, then I won’t let go. But you_ have _to fight with me this time. ‘Di ko kaya ‘to mag-isa._ _"_

_"You know I can't promise you that, Kuroo. I’m just so busy—"_

_"Then let me go."_

_"..."_

_"Just please. Let me go kung hindi mo kaya. Okay lang sakin. Go on with your life there, Tsukki. Di ako galit sayo kasi hindi mo kasalanan; ako yung mahina. But if you don’t let me move on from you, I will be.”_

_“...I'm— sorry. Sorry talaga. Sorry."_

_"Sorry din. Ingat ka dyan, Kei."_

_._

_._

_._

He allows the painful memories to swallow him once more. He wonders if his leaving affected Tsukishima the way it affected him. Surely it did...? Because if it didn't, then he wouldn't even know how to cope if he discovers that Tsukishima got out of this painful relationship without wounds of his own.

As he continues his morning walk, a single flower petal falls onto his palm, and he's suddenly reminded that he's not the only one who loved so strongly, to the point of pain and longing.

Tsukishima-- _Tsukki_ used to give him pressed flowers to tell him he loves him.

.

.

_“Nerd ka eh. So I figured you’d maybe want too... Idk, collect some weird flower species or some shit? Wisteria sp. daw tawag dyan.” _

_“Tsukki. Mukha ba kong Biology Major?”_

_“Eh. So what kung Chem Major ka? Ayaw mo? Akin na balik mo sakin. Ang hirap hirap nyan gawin puta ka.”_

_“Che. Gusto mo lang ako bigyan ng bulaklak eh. Closet romantic ka rin eh noh?”_

_“Shut up.”_

—

_“Pressed flowers ulit,Tsukki? Wow. May tinatagong landi ka rin pala.”_

_“Shut up. Those flowers are pretty rare. I picked them up during our class trip last month. Naisip lang kita bigla. I just---”_

_“Ha? Naisip mo lang ako bigla?? Holy shit, Tsukki, baby, is that you? Parang nilalagnat ka yata. Hindi ako sanay nang hindi ako namumura.”_

_“Ugh. Bwisit ka talaga. I’m trying to be serious here.”_

_“Okay. Fine. Shut up na ko, boss baby. What were you trying to say?”_

_"I'm only gonna say this once, so listen here, Tetsuro Kuroo. I don't like saying cheesy words and you know that. So… ewan ko. This is the only thing I could think of so that I could tell you that— that I— Ugh puta—”_

_“That you love me?”_

_“Ugh! YES! Can we please move on from this? Nahihiya na ko.”_

_“Okay, boss. Mahal rin kita kahit ganyan ka.”_

_“...”_

_“Hala sya, namula na.”_

_“FUCK YOU.”_

.

.

In their short time together before being separated by miles and miles of space, _Tsukki_ had given him 65 pressed flowers. 65 flowers now displayed in his bedroom wall for the 65 times _Tsukki_ felt such overwhelming love that he just _had_ to let Kuroo know.

 _Tsukki_ had given him pressed flowers almost every day.

 _Tsukki_ had loved him everyday.

But Kuroo— Tetsurou Kuroo who gives love in the form of sacrifices— thinks that this time he needs flowers that grow and bloom out of the sun’s loving warmth and the earth’s gentle cradle. He wants a love born from trying, and he doesn't want— doesnt _need—_ to try and preserve things that are long dead and gone.

One by one, more flowers continue falling around him, as if telling him that everything that he and _Tsukki_ built has already fallen apart. But even in its downfall, it’s still the most beautiful thing that Kuroo has ever experienced in his entire life.

That is why, despite everything, Kuroo doesn’t get angry at _Tsukki_. Instead, he allows himself to look back at all the times _Tsukki_ made him feel so loved that even the worst of his days felt like spring.

.

.

.

_It’s finals season and Kuroo hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep. ‘Ayoko na puta,’ he thinks to himself, before drifting to sleep once more, his haphazardous sleeping position in the hallway floors looking almost embarrassing to any passerby._

_He hears the school bells ring, signaling that there’s only ten more minutes to shift rooms before examinations start again._

_‘Teka lang...’ He thinks, refusing to wake up._

_That is, until his nose picks up a faint scent of his favorite beverage._

_“Babe. Coffee?”_

_Under weary eyes, he sees Tsukishima kneeling before him, cup of coffee on one hand and reviewers on another. He looks so much better than him right now, even though Kuroo knows Tsukishima has also stayed up all night reviewing for his own exams._

_“Sana all, gwapo parin kahit puyat.” He mutters, now half-awake. He hears a soft laugh. Was Tsukishima’s laugh always this beautiful?_

_“Inamin mo rin na ako mas gwapo sating dalawa. Come on, get up. You only have a few minutes left.” Tsukishima says lightly. Huh, when has Tsukishima ever been this sweet? Oh, right. He always has been, even if it isn’t obvious to him._

_“Gwapo ka, pero hot ako," Kuroo mumbles, "Saglit lang…” His tired eyes close once more, and he feels sleep stealing him away from Tsukishima and the rest of the world._

_Vaguely, he feels a hand cup his cheek, and he finds himself instinctively leaning into Tsukishima’s touch. And then… he feels a pair of lips touch his own._

_Suddenly, his eyes shoot open, more out of surprise than anything. Tsukishima has rarely initiated affection. It has always been Kuroo who gave affection so freely. What was happening? He pulls back from the kiss just to gawk at Tsukishima. “Did you just… what… hinalikan mo ba ko just now? IN FUCKING PUBLIC??”_

_Tsukishima looks away, trying to feign indifference. But the angry blush on his cheeks says otherwise. “...What about it? Ayaw mo gumising eh. Oh ano, gising ka ngayon hayup ka.”_

_“Okay. Ito na, gising na gising na po, boss,” Kuroo says, as he finally stands up, his bag on one shoulder. He decides to push Tsukishima’s buttons, liking this new side of him that he has never shown Kuroo before. He leans towards Tsukishima, who has also just stood up and gathered his belongings. “Kaso parang inaantok ako ulit. Will you do that again?”_

_Tsukishima doesn’t respond. Kuroo thinks he may have overdone it; he knows Tsukishima isn’t comfortable with public displays of affection, but just as he prepares to tell him to forget it, Tsukishima shuts him up with a kiss of his own. Suddenly overwhelmed with love, Kuroo responds to his kiss with equal fervor._

_‘Fuck exams,’ Kuroo thinks. ‘If one Kei Tsukishima kisses you like this in public, you DO NOT get the right to say no.’ He drops his bag and pulls Tsukishima by the waist, bringing him closer—_

_“Mr. Kuroo and ikaw kung sino ka man, Mr. Blonde ang buhok, stop what you’re doing right now. Gusto nyo bang magka-sanction?”_

_Kuroo and Tsukishima can only hide their faces in embarrassment._

_._

_._

_._

It's only been 20 minutes since he went out, but Kuroo already feels nauseated by his feelings. Before the tears begin to fall, he rushes back home and hides underneath the covers. As the tears finally roll down his face, Kuroo hopes for better days ahead.

_Someday, I'm going to grow flowers of my own without you._

.

.

.

On the 26th of September, Kuroo takes down the 65 pressed flowers on his wall, and stores them neatly in a box inside his closet.

The next day, Kuroo plants flowers and whispers into the air.

_Happy Birthday, Tsukki._

Despite being broken for so long, Kuroo has now learned to stand on his own, and even apply for work (finally). He finally feels himself living, like a dry river that had just received rainfall, and now, almost a year after breaking things off with _Tsukki,_ he lets himself think about him without heaviness in his heart.

As he plants the first seeds onto the earth, he thanks _Tsukki_ for all the pressed flowers-- all love he’s received, and for the brief, but irreplaceable time he’s had with him. He thanks _Tsukki_ for letting him go and for giving him decades worth of happiness in such a short amount of time, and prays to the universe to keep _Tsukki—_ Tsukishima— safe.

On the 17th of November, when he finally sees the first of many flowers bloom beneath his feet, Kuroo Tetsurou _breathes._

**_I want auroras and sad prose_**

**_I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet_ **

**_'Cause I haven't moved in years_ **

~~**_And I want you right here_ ** ~~

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, this is my first time writing a story with m|m ship so I’m still experimenting on how to write m|m relationship dynamics properly. I didn’t want to assign strict top/bottom roles to the characters so I found writing this story quite challenging (but fun!). I hope I did an “okay’ job though.
> 
> Comments and criticisms are very much appreciated!
> 
> Ps. The next installment will involve Tsukki’s POV :)
> 
> Pps. Let's talk on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/koushikage_)!


End file.
